On an airplane

It didn’t hit me that I was leaving until I was gone.  I didn’t even feel like crying until I woke up from my nap on the airplane.  There was just something about knowing that I could call him whenever I wanted.  I love you JR. 

I’m so confused about this internship.  I wanted this so bad in the beginning.  I wanted to run away like I always do…to Italy!  But now all I want is to be home with my Love. 

School is great, I love to learn, I really do but the problem is that when I’m in school I hardly feel like myself.  I just feel like a machine, like something that just goes through the motions and doesn’t really think or feel anything on a deeper level.  I can wait to get back to my normal self, the one that can produce beautiful words and can give her all.  I really wonder if JR will think I’m different when I get back.  It will mostly be because when I’m not weighed down by school I can have time to be more introspective and pensive.  

These next couple of days are going to be really weird because I'm not going to be talking to anyone cause I'm by myself...and I'm scared I might get used to the silence...just me and my brain having conversations all day long.  This can get very scary and it is NOT the way to live!

It is so weird to think that I'm finally back here in Italy.  In this country where I learned so many things.  I'm here sitting on the train and I can just remember all the times on my mission that I was scared to start up conversations with people and I can also remember the times that I wasn't and I felt God so close to me.  That's it--this place reminds me of God.